I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
