Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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