this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
