Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
