Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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