i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My vagina just clenched in fear
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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