Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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