I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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