imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
