what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
