Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
