i think my mom watched the whole time
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
