Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
