I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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