My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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