She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Never underestimate the power of titties
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
