Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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