I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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