Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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