Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I FOUND THE LEGS
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
