Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i dont even know how to be here
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
