Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
