omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He passed out mid-signature
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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