then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
