You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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