Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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