It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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