tonight lets celebrate not being married
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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