Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
