My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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