I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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