I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize