Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
