why didn't you poke me back
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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