Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
