I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
