i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
