is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
