It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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