i always forget guys have bellybuttons
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
