eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
