It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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