My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
