She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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