So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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