were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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