I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
