I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize