Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
