wanna go halves on a baby?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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