I cannot find my penis.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize