The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
