The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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