Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
