I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
