Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
