I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
