i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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