I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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