evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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