Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
