very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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