im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
