You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
