he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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