oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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