we have officially lost it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
