Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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