New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
