just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize