How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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