I will die if light touches me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am available for nakedness
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
