Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
