One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
