YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize