I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
