I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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