You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
