We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
