he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
