soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
