and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i used baking grease as lip gloss
why do cheetos always look like penises
The police scanner is talking about you again....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize