Betty ford says i'm here all night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
