He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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