Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
