I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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