wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I wish there were birth control emojis
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
