nut hugger
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize