A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
