Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
