Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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