Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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