I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The beer is more important than you right now.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
