omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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