I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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