You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
