Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am spending my child support on dildos
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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