so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
