One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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