note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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