Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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