I can text with my tongue
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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