Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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